DO YOU ALSO FEAR FAILURE...?

HELLO..! There.... how have you been..?

Before I begin let me ask you a question.

Did you ever fail in your life... I mean any time did you felt that bad feeling.

LET'S DECIDE LATER THAT WHETHER IT IS BAD FEELING OR GOOD FEELING...OKAY.

I don't know, since I'm just 19, I might not have experienced a huge failure but I can't say that I didn't face any...cause I have faced many but let me tell you about one- that worth mentioning here.

A long long time ago ...just kidding.

It's just 7 years ago. I was in grade 5, most importantly, I was an athlete.

I and both of my sisters were really good sprinters. Everyone talked about us and all the students were like "If any  of these sisters are competing with you, it's sure that you are not winning this race.."

Of course, that sounds good and we three sisters were really proud of it, and obviously, how can I forget about my parents.

Let's get back to the matter...

that year our school was gonna celebrate sports day. Since I and my 1st sister was in the same house, (STUDENTS IN SCHOOLS ARE BASICALLY DIVIDED INTO DIFFERENT GROUP, IN MY SCHOOL IT WAS CALLED HOUSE AND I, MY FIRST SISTER AND MY BROTHER WERE IN GANGA HOUSE [RED COLOUR]AND MY SECOND SISTER WAS IN KAVERI HOUSE [BLUE COLOUR]) 

          we were selected for a relay race. All the students of our house, house teachers, and housemasters were quite sure that this time our house was gonna win.

We practiced harder and harder every day. I and Leuna ( my first sis) were selected for the relay race and Lexi ( my second sis) was selected for the needle and thread race.

So we three went for practice after school and in the evening.

We practiced harder and harder. 

And finally, the day arrived. Did I mention we three were also selected for drill, Parade?

So we started with it. And before our race, was my sis's needle and thread race, after that hard work she won first place.

At last, it was time for our race...Leuna was 1st runner and I was 4th runner. Ready, Set, GO and the race began, my sis was in the first place, and then she passed the baton to the next person she was also in the first place .....now she had to pass it to the third person. This was basically time for the twist ....let's get back.

I can't say definitely whose fault it was .....

But while passing, the baton fell down. The third runner struggled to pick it up and after picking up she turned to run but she fell down. My heart kind of stopped beating...... but then I screamed .."Com' on, you can do it, get up,"

Ok, did it ...She got up and started running ... other runners had completed 1/4th of the way but I still had hopes that would cover but suddenly she fell again and this time she got up so late that others had already covered more than 3/4.

So this was the end of my hopes but still, we completed the race and I had covered a lot but anyway we were 4th...you won't believe that was the first time I cried so much after that there are few more times I cried like - one was when I got my first period, once I had a crush on someone and once when I figured out that life isn't going well and I am gonna be screwed...... I'll talk about these in my coming up blogs ...for now let's get back. After the rely was my 200mts race. in which I was again in the 4th position.

My parent came to console us. In front of them, we both were like- "it's okay ...if not this time, next time for sure."

We both cried in the washroom at night.

You know one thing... I and  Leuna face almost the same situations most of the time.

                                                              After that day I almost stopped participating in any running competitions but my sisters never stopped participating. They participated and always secured the 1st or 2nd position. But I never tried again cause of the fear of losing.

To Be Honest I started fearing competition and wanted to never face competition.

Let me tell you a similar story...

The story goes this way...Long Long Time Ago ....there was a girl, who believed that she was a painter.  She was just 10yrs old. One day she was sitting in her garden near the wall, painting. She was very excited about the new painting which was almost gonna be completed after a week of hard work.....Suddenly she heard some noises of whispering and giggling, coming from behind the wall...she turns towards the wall and peeped out through the holes in the wall and saw few children who were almost the same as her age. They were laughing at her painting because they felt it was not good enough. The girl felt bad and hurt but still tried to explain her painting to them and said-" Oh~let me explain this painting to you, this is a cat with the wings and fishtail...".

"It doesn't exist...do you make this kind of painting?", one of them interrupted ...

HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA....!

She answered -"well ... ya ."

"Hey guys look ...there are a few more terrible ones here...."

All of them started laughing at the painting and, one of them said-" YUCK...you wrongo, you don't even know how to paint ..." and threw her painting and walked away...and the rest of them stepped on her paintings and destroyed them.

After the incident, she was so disturbed she kept crying and didn't share anything with anyone ....and started feeling that her paintings were really meaningless and she was not a good painter because she painted things that she had never seen in her real-life ...

She grew restless and was unable to overcome the incident. Whenever she thought about it, she would freak out.

It was almost a week she wasn't eating properly nor painting ...her mom was noticing her. She didn't see her doing the paintings and whenever she asked her the reason she didn't answer her.

It was the weekend and her dad was back from the business trip...her mom couldn't hold on and told him about the condition of her daughter.

They decided to talk to her together ...next morning they went to her room .."Hey, baby..how's everything going on?

...your mom said you were unhappy this week ..did you miss me that badly ...hmm...then why didn't you come on call, honey...Okay, let it be...see what I got for you ...have a look ....paints and brushes of your favorite brands..."-dad.

After a while of silence, she said-"...I don't want them anymore...I don't want to paint.. my paintings are disgusting...nobody likes them......"

She burst out into tears...and hugged her dad. He lifted her and asked-" did anyone say anything to you, dear..?"

After sobbing for a while she narrated the whole story to her parents. Her dad consoles her and said -"No, my child...listen, everyone in this world is not the same and their thoughts are also different. And you are an amazing painter.....and you don't have to doubt yourself ......everyone doesn't understand the art... and you know, it's really difficult to draw something you haven't seen rather than painting something that already exists....so for me and your mom you are the best."

 

She was touched and felt bad for not sharing the incident with her parents earlier.

She was still sobbing, when her dad said- "here, take these and go, enjoy painting...my child".

She went back to her painting canvas board and started testing the new paints and brushes.

That day she decided to never give up on her painting even if anyone doesn't like them...

"I Want to make beautiful things even if nobody cares..."

Now let's come back to my story...I know you were enjoying the story but ...hey, the story has ended... 

Okay...! after that incident I never participated in any competition and after 6 years, I was in senior high school and that was the time when I realize I should NEVER GIVE UP  on anything. 

You know it's never too late to start a good habit, Right.

I always saw my sisters participating and winning 100mts, rely races and other races, and felt bad for myself ... 

It was the beginning of my last year of schooling, 2019. And I had my last chance to get back so that I never regret it.

So I decided to take every opportunity I get and give my best without being worried about losing.

We had our interviews for school parliamentary and it was the first opportunity that hit me....and I gave an interview for house captain.

I know you won't believe it but that was the first interview of my life...I felt butterflies in my tummy...

but it was kinda awesome and after a few weeks, I was declared as the Ganga House Senior Captain and my sis Leuna was senior sports vice-captain...

Let me tell one more thing -I was not at all sure about passing the interview. But I was literally happy that my first step was safe, and it also boosted my confidence after that I participated in a few more competitions like street play, group discussion, dance competition, handball, bulletin board decoration.

In these, I couldn't secure 1st or 2nd place but 3rd or 4th.

But I had promised myself not to give up again anytime in life so, I kept going.

And finally, it was time for a race and you won't trust me but this time I won first prize in 800mts.

Yeah, finally my victory .....because I decided not to fear failure.

                 

So what have you decided to do about your fear ...?